Archive | April 2016

One of the Most Important Needs in Relationships

Would you like to know one of the most important needs for any relationship? Good old-fashioned honesty and openness.

Naturally, both husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, but this is an acute need for women. Every wife needs to know the man who shares her life is always being honest with her.

This is especially vital because it affects a woman’s response to a man’s authority and headship in the home. Husbands, if your wife is going to be able to respond to your authority and leadership, she needs to know she can trust you. If she senses you’re not being completely honest with her or that you’re hiding something from her, she won’t be able to properly submit to your leadership.

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“Talk to Me, You Handsome Man,” Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about one of the important needs for husbands. Today, I want to talk about what researchers agree is the second most important need for women: conversation.

Many jokes have been made about how a woman can talk and talk and talk… but those jokes have a basis in fact. A woman’s need to talk is much greater than a man’s. And, fellows, it isn’t a joke any more than your need for sex is a joke.

When I say a woman needs to talk, I don’t mean she just likes to chatter. She needs the real, sharing kind of conversation. She needs her husband to be interested in what happened to her today… and where she went… and who she saw. Read More…

“Talk to Me, You Handsome Man,” Part 1

The number-two need husbands most frequently mention may surprise you. It’s admiration. That’s right, ladies. Your husband has a very real need to know you admire him. God points to the importance of this need in Ephesians 5:33b:

and [let] the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates him and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. (Amp.)

 That’s quite a mouthful, isn’t it?

The reason God puts such an emphasis on this is because it is so vitally important to a man. He needs admiration to function properly as the mighty spiritual warrior God created him to be.

Have you ever noticed the way little boys will show off for little girls? If so, you know this need to be admired surfaces early and continues right into adolescence. Teenage boys go to great lengths to impress any girl who happens to be watching. Some women simply think such attempts at admiration-evoking are just a male “pride thing.” But they’re wrong. The need for admiration is a God-designed facet of the male ego. And that ego, when properly fueled, will propel and energize a man to do the things God has called him to do. Read More…

The Two-Sided Secret of a Satisfying Marriage, Part 2

Men and women have differing needs. That fact is confirmed not only by the Bible, but by secular studies and research as well. Nearly all the studies I’ve seen in this area report that everyone has 10 or 12 basic needs, yet the top needs for women are very different from the top needs for men.

On practically all of the lists of needs that have been compiled, one particular need consistently shows up as being the most intense for men. A different need area almost always shows up as being most important for women. Would you like to know what your spouse’s “number-one” need is? Read More…

The Two-Sided Secret of a Satisfying Marriage, Part 1

“My needs aren’t being met.” That is the battle cry of 99 percent of the people who attend marriage counseling. God designed us with certain physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. Men and women both have them, and according to God’s plan, when a man and woman come together in marriage, those needs can then be fully met.

At least, they are supposed to be. In reality, what often happens is that men and women fail to realize just how strikingly different each other’s needs really are. As a result, neither the husband nor the wife are fulfilled… and trouble follows.

If their needs continue to go unrecognized and unmet, the collapse of the marriage is almost unavoidable. That’s why I want to challenge you to become more need-conscious. No, I’m not talking about being aware of your own needs. I’m talking about developing a greater understanding of the needs of your spouse. Such an understanding can save a failing marriage, make a good marriage even stronger, and end up blessing you as much as it blesses your partner.

Most people don’t understand that. They think, “My wife has certain needs and I have certain needs.” They separate out “his needs” and “her needs.” But the truth is, they are all a part of “the relationship’s needs.”

You and your spouse are one flesh. What enriches one of you enriches the other as well. As Ephesians 5:28-29 says:

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth it and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church….

In other words, God is saying, “Listen folks, when you do something for your spouse, you’re doing it for yourself. It’s just like ministering to your own body. Husbands, when you meet a need in your wife’s life, you’re meeting it in your own life.” Read More…