The Deadly Nature of Disappointment

Disappointment is unavoidable.

Every one of us will miss out on a promotion, go through heartbreak, lose what we wanted most, or come to a detour in life. Disappointment, however, should never stop you from moving forward. The only time disappointment foreshadows the end of the road is when you let it.

Handling disappointment well is not easy because our emotions will urge us to wallow in despair and complain about why life isn’t fair, but you can train yourself to handle disappointment successfully.

One of the Most Important Needs in Relationships

Would you like to know one of the most important needs for any relationship? Good old-fashioned honesty and openness.

Naturally, both husbands and wives need to be honest with each other, but this is an acute need for women. Every wife needs to know the man who shares her life is always being honest with her.

This is especially vital because it affects a woman’s response to a man’s authority and headship in the home. Husbands, if your wife is going to be able to respond to your authority and leadership, she needs to know she can trust you. If she senses you’re not being completely honest with her or that you’re hiding something from her, she won’t be able to properly submit to your leadership.

“Talk to Me, You Handsome Man,” Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about one of the important needs for husbands. Today, I want to talk about what researchers agree is the second most important need for women: conversation.

Many jokes have been made about how a woman can talk and talk and talk… but those jokes have a basis in fact. A woman’s need to talk is much greater than a man’s. And, fellows, it isn’t a joke any more than your need for sex is a joke.

When I say a woman needs to talk, I don’t mean she just likes to chatter. She needs the real, sharing kind of conversation. She needs her husband to be interested in what happened to her today… and where she went… and who she saw.

“Talk to Me, You Handsome Man,” Part 1

The number-two need husbands most frequently mention may surprise you. It’s admiration. That’s right, ladies. Your husband has a very real need to know you admire him. God points to the importance of this need in Ephesians 5:33b:

…and [let] the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates him and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. (Amp.)

 That’s quite a mouthful, isn’t it?

The reason God puts such an emphasis on this is because it is so vitally important to a man. He needs admiration to function properly as the mighty spiritual warrior God created him to be.

Have you ever noticed the way little boys will show off for little girls? If so, you know this need to be admired surfaces early and continues right into adolescence. Teenage boys go to great lengths to impress any girl who happens to be watching. Some women simply think such attempts at admiration-evoking are just a male “pride thing.” But they’re wrong. The need for admiration is a God-designed facet of the male ego. And that ego, when properly fueled, will propel and energize a man to do the things God has called him to do.

The Two-Sided Secret of a Satisfying Marriage, Part 2

Men and women have differing needs. That fact is confirmed not only by the Bible, but by secular studies and research as well. Nearly all the studies I’ve seen in this area report that everyone has 10 or 12 basic needs, yet the top needs for women are very different from the top needs for men.

On practically all of the lists of needs that have been compiled, one particular need consistently shows up as being the most intense for men. A different need area almost always shows up as being most important for women. Would you like to know what your spouse’s “number-one” need is?

The Two-Sided Secret of a Satisfying Marriage, Part 1

“My needs aren’t being met.” That is the battle cry of 99 percent of the people who attend marriage counseling. God designed us with certain physical, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. Men and women both have them, and according to God’s plan, when a man and woman come together in marriage, those needs can then be fully met.

At least, they are supposed to be. In reality, what often happens is that men and women fail to realize just how strikingly different each other’s needs really are. As a result, neither the husband nor the wife are fulfilled… and trouble follows.

If their needs continue to go unrecognized and unmet, the collapse of the marriage is almost unavoidable. That’s why I want to challenge you to become more need-conscious. No, I’m not talking about being aware of your own needs. I’m talking about developing a greater understanding of the needs of your spouse. Such an understanding can save a failing marriage, make a good marriage even stronger, and end up blessing you as much as it blesses your partner.

Most people don’t understand that. They think, “My wife has certain needs and I have certain needs.” They separate out “his needs” and “her needs.” But the truth is, they are all a part of “the relationship’s needs.”

You and your spouse are one flesh. What enriches one of you enriches the other as well. As Ephesians 5:28-29 says:

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth it and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church….

In other words, God is saying, “Listen folks, when you do something for your spouse, you’re doing it for yourself. It’s just like ministering to your own body. Husbands, when you meet a need in your wife’s life, you’re meeting it in your own life.”

What Do You Worry About?

Down through the years, I have seen many Christians who feel they need to “help God” accomplish His plan and purpose in their lives. They think if they’re not doing all the right things then God’s plan for their lives might be delayed and possibly thwarted!

For example, a believer knows he is called into the five-fold ministry. But when it doesn’t come to pass as quickly as he thinks it should, he thinks it’s delayed because he hasn’t prayed enough… he hasn’t studied the Word enough…he hasn’t confessed enough scriptures. He begins to pray more, study more, confess more and, eventually, he enters into a sort of “works program” in which he unconsciously tries to “earn” his calling.

I have to confess, that used to be my tendency. I subconsciously thought I had to “earn” whatever I got from God. I had to earn it through more prayer, more study of the Word. Earn it through harder work, longer hours…earn it, earn it, earn it.

Dream Big: God Can Handle it

God has placed the desire to fly in the heart of every young eagle. The eagle yearns to get up to the rarefied stratosphere of the heavens, close to the sun, and close to Him who is, indeed, king over the earth. He is wired to reign in the majesty that he was created to beautifully exemplify. That desire is buried in the hearts of all young eaglets—but if they did what they wanted to do, there is a chance those eaglets would never leave the comfort of their nests.

With many Christians, it’s the same thing. Just as God has placed a desire in the eagle to fly, He’s placed within each one of our hearts a vision and desire to reach toward the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. We’re wired to reach for what He’s called us to do, whatever that dream may be. For many of us, however, mediocrity has become the keynote for our lives because we don’t want to leave the comfort of the nest.

What is your dream? a business idea? a witty invention? a call to the ministry? Too many Christians hang onto the comfort of their nests and miss that high calling of God. They need to take a step of faith, leave the nest, and follow the dream God has placed in their hearts.

Give Thanks in All Things

Although news of hate, violence, and tragedy is coming from around the world, we should not shy away from gratefulness; we should actually move toward it. One of the best examples of this comes from 1863, when the news of the day was also filled with hate and violence. The Civil War was tearing the nation in half—yet that didn’t stop America’s leader, President Abraham Lincoln, from recognizing the need to be grateful for all God had given them. He made a proclamation that led to the eventual establishment of our national Thanksgiving holiday.

Take a look at one of the statements made in the middle of that proclamation.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict, while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Thankfulness is supposed to be a part of our lives, no matter the circumstance. President Lincoln understood that. He noted the “unequaled magnitude” of the civil war they were in, but did not keep his focus there. He moved his audience’s attention to what they could be thankful for.

The Bible is filled with direction to be thankful—and President Lincoln understood what we see in the Word: a heart of gratitude starts with a matter of your focus.

What’s Your Pattern?

Everywhere you look, you will find patterns. Patterns shape our lives and carry the power to produce something positive or negative depending upon the nature of the pattern. Consider how a consistent pattern of exercise will result in a healthier body; a pattern of eating junk food will lead to health problems.

God Himself works in patterns. There is a biblical pattern for healthy relationships, financial increase, parenting, and the realization of God’s plan for your life.