“Talk to Me, You Handsome Man,” Part 2
Yesterday, we talked about one of the important needs for husbands. Today, I want to talk about what researchers agree is the second most important need for women: conversation.
Many jokes have been made about how a woman can talk and talk and talk… but those jokes have a basis in fact. A woman’s need to talk is much greater than a man’s. And, fellows, it isn’t a joke any more than your need for sex is a joke.
When I say a woman needs to talk, I don’t mean she just likes to chatter. She needs the real, sharing kind of conversation. She needs her husband to be interested in what happened to her today… and where she went… and who she saw.
Many guys don’t understand this need. So when their wife comes in and says, “Let’s talk, honey,” they glance up from their phones and say, “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
Husbands, please don’t do this. Why? You’re implying that she isn’t interesting enough to cause you to want to have a conversation, but you’ll be patient with her while she talks. You’ve insulted her. Let me turn the tables and put it in terms you understand a little more. Let’s say you walked into the room and said, “Honey, let’s have sex.” And she glances over her phone and says, “What for? Is it time to have kids again?”
You may think those two situations are different, but they’re not. Your wife needs to talk as much as you need to be sexually fulfilled. So recognize that need. Be diligent to share your heart with her.
Notice I said, be diligent. You’ll have to deliberately set time aside for communication or it won’t take place. How much time should you allot? Most psychologists agree that 15 hours a week or so is really what’s needed—say, about an hour a day during the week and the rest on the weekends.
I can just hear some of you guys right now. “Fifteen hours! I can’t spend 15 hours a week talking to my wife.” Yes, you can. Not by sitting in two chairs staring at each other for hours on end, but by planning activities together. Go walking or bike riding. Do things you enjoy and talk while you’re at it.
Time spent in front of the television does not count. Neither does the time when the kids are harassing you and you’re being distracted by a myriad of other things. Pick a time during the day when you can give one another your attention. Then, let the conversation flow. You may end up enjoying it more than you think.
Tune in each day this week for more information on what the top needs are for men and women.